A good one

Friday, February 01, 2008

Yesterday was a pretty damn good. Which we've needed around our house due to some crummy occurrences which include the sleet last Friday which caused a horrendous commute home and the wind Tuesday that shattered our brand new patio table.

So what's so good?

I got a bonus. Which in and of itself is awesome. But. The bonus? It's about three times bigger than I anticipated. Which is even better. Combined with the raise I got a few weeks ago? So fucking awesome I'm dancing.

Now I just have to convince R that we are not under any circumstances spending the money on an alpaca or a fainting goat.

Fostering love

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

This story makes me ill.

Arkansas' foster care system is seriously broken. There is a desperate need for good (major emphasis on the good) foster parents. There are way too many kids in facilities and group homes because placement can't be found in the foster homes we have now.

Kids are being shipped all over the state to foster homes or facilities in far away counties because it's very, very hard to find placement for kids especially in the larger counties.

And yet this group wants to deny unmarried couples living together (read: gays & lesbians) the right to foster/adopt children.

Forget that there is a major need.

Forget what's in the best interest of the children.

Forget that a lot of us are more than capable of providing care for these children.

According to this group you should ignore all these things and focus solely on "a 'homosexual agenda' in Arkansas."

The article states, "there is an agenda at work in other states that's being driven by the homosexual community, an agenda that uses children in foster care or waiting to be adopted. He said his group doesn't believe children should ever be used by a particular group to advance an agenda."

First, what the fuck is a homosexual agenda?

Seriously. I'm not being purposely obtuse; I just don't fucking understand what a homosexual agenda is.

Second, isn't this group doing exactly what it is accusing this homosexual agenda of?

Aren't they just throwing around a bunch of vague accusations against some alleged group in hopes that the people of Arkansas will vote to deny gays and lesbians yet another right in this state?

By doing this aren't they using the children in foster care to further their own goals?

The news this morning said that this initiative would ban over half the people in Arkansas from fostering/adopting.

Wow.

What a great way to ensure there is a permanent foster home shortage.

What a great way to keep this system utterly and hopelessly broken.

Our story

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

When R and I first met I was only a week past my 20th birthday. R, 28, had sworn off women any younger than 25. We met -wait for the cliché-online in 2000. My girlfriend and I had just split up two weeks earlier and I had just moved to a somewhat strange town an hour from my hometown with no friends nearby. So I was on AOL (this was 8 years ago--we've grown so much since then) and I just looked up any lesbians in Arkansas online at that moment. Lo and behold there she was. Her profile sounded interesting so I IMed her. We were both just out of long-term relationships and neither of us were looking for anything other than a friend.

We talked. A lot. Like every day. Multiple times a day. At just about any opportunity we could get. I thought she was the funniest person I had ever spoken to (still do) and she thought I was pretty hilarious as well. We eventually graduated to talking on the phone. Months passed. Feelings developed and grew. We decided to meet. Did I mention we lived 2 1/2 hours apart?

So Labor Day weekend 2000 R came for a visit. It pretty much solidified and intensified all the feelings we had developed for one another. She came down on Saturday and had planned to leave the next day. She stayed until Monday.

Things went really well until November. Then R got spooked. She was just out of an on again off again long-term relationship. I was 20. Things were going really, really well. So she ran.

And I said, "you'll be back." Wasn't I just a cocky little shit?

So she ran. And I did what any 20 year old would do. I partied. I went to Memphis and hung out with my ex, old friends, new friends. I partied my ass off. I usually rolled in around 7am. Slept all day and then started again round about 5pm. This went on for over a week.

Some of my new friends started staying the night at my apartment. Nothing ever happened. I wasn't interested in any of them. I only wanted R. But, she was off partying herself.

Did I mention we still talked? I had to make sure she knew I was living it up. A little petty, yes. But, I needed her to know I wasn't sitting at home moping.

Then comes the night that she found out that these new friends were staying the night at my place. Can we say eruption? R lost her shit. I advised her that since we weren't together she had no right to inquire as to who was or wasn't at my place.

Needless to say my prediction came true and we were back together within days.

Looking back I can't believe how silly and immature we were. I also can't believe how cocky I was. Because that is nothing like me. I never act that way. I guess drastic times call for drastic measures. And they paid off.

We did the long distance thing for a little over a year and a half. Then in 2002 we bought a house together a town over from where she had been living. And I left behind that horrid little town I had been living in.

And here we are now. Our 8th anniversary is coming up this year. And when I think of how we met, the split, the age difference and the long distance thing, I'm pretty amazed that we made it through with so little bumps. I think the odds were against us. I think if we had done the traditional U-Haul cliché we would have had a much harder time. But, we beat the odds and shocked quite a few friends. And ourselves.

And I couldn't be happier with us.

?

Friday, January 18, 2008

Confidential to those who are landing here via the google search string lesbian sleep:

Yes, quite well. Thanks for asking.

Oh baby!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

So the whole baby issue keeps coming to the forefront of my mind. I know it has a lot to do with this feeling of running out of time that I've suddenly developed. R's pretty sure she doesn't want kids. I'm smack dab in between of no thanks I'll pass and I don't know.

I like kids; I really do. But, the whole changing my life completely and totally thing? Freaks me the fuck out.

When we first got Ryley I thought we were going to either kill one another or her throughout the first six months. She was up and down all night. We had to constantly play, play, play to wear her out in hopes that she would sleep through the night. We won't even get into the sharp puppy teeth. I still have nightmares about those.

It was all Ryley all the time from the time we woke up until we went to sleep. And then it got better. She started sleeping through the night. She started losing those razor teeth. She could go outside by herself. Now? I think she's the best dog in the whole wide world. Yes, she gets on my nerves occasionally, but those hellacious months were worth the dog we have now. She's not even 3 yet so I can still remember all the bad times. And yet? While I love that dog so much? I think she is the first and last dog we will own. Even though I love her so much it hurts? I don't want to go through that 6 months of hell ever again.

And a baby? Is so much worse than a puppy. Like a gazillion times worse. Yet, every time I see a baby my ovaries freak the fuck out. They start screaming. Or if I start thinking about the whole "oh if I don't have children who will take care of me when I'm 90?" or "if I don't have kids--when I die that's it--no part of me will live on through someone else." Pretty stupid reasons for wanting a kid, no?

However, those aren't the main reasons. Part of me wants to experience the joys (and yes the horrors) of parenthood such as being pregnant, giving birth, seeing our child for the first time, the first step, etc.

Yet, when I see a screaming kid in the store? My ovaries die a little. They also lose a bit of life when I think about being pregnant, giving birth, no sleep, dirty diapers, the first time they get in trouble and the idea of bringing a child into this fucked up world.

And honestly? I like life the way it is. We get to sleep through the night, we don't have to worry about childcare or if we're getting enough couple time. Not to mention the fact that kids are hella expensive. As is the conception part.

So for now it's a moot point anyway. We aren't in a place where we could afford to try to conceive or pay for the kid.

But my ovaries? They aren't listening.

Too much?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I have been told that R & I have a weird relationship.

It's probably not what you're thinking.

We have actually had people express their disbelief at how nice and considerate we are to one another.

I remember a time when we were staying at a cabin with two other couples and we were in the bathroom getting ready to go out and I put toothpaste on R's toothbrush, handed it to her and then made my own. One of the other women standing in the bathroom with us just stood there with this shocked look on her face and said, "you fix each other's toothbrushes?" Is that really so shocking?

R was talking to one of her coworkers and she mentioned making my lunch. Her coworker stopped cold and said, "you make her lunch?" The woman was shocked that R makes my lunch for me. Comments like that are pretty frequent.

We're not super lovey dovey 24/7 and we can still be complete asses to one another on occasion. Ok, usually it's just me being an ass; but R has her moments too.

But, we do try to do nice things for one another; even if it's just the little things. R has a bad day so I go pick up the sushi she has been craving for days. Or R will take over Ryley duty while I chill out when I come home fried.

Is it really so weird for us to do nice things for one another?

Totally random

Friday, January 04, 2008

The car? It is fine. The owners of said car? Totally silly.

The cold? Still here. This long with a cold? Me? A raging bitch.

The weather? Freaking me out. 40 has been the high the past few days. Tomorrow? Mid-60's. Sunday? Even higher.

The fact that half of our office has no heat? Killing me. Especially when one has to continuously run back and forth between the sauna and the freezer.

The weekend? Not soon enough.