Day 1

Monday, January 05, 2009

So R & I started this 7 day diet/cleanse. I'm going to try to detail our progress here so maybe if I have to hold myself accountable to those pesky interwebs I will actually keep up with it and possibly post every single day. Ha. Right.

So day 1 was all the fruit and soup (their recipe) we can eat.

Breakfast was a glass of orange juice and an apple. I was starving by lunch but I didn't have time to eat anything so I drank mass quantities of apple juice.

Lunch was soup and a gazillion strawberries. I was so full at the end of lunch I thought I would pop.

By the time dinner rolled around I was starving again. Dinner was soup again. After two bowls of soup I hadn't weighed so I weighed just to get a number. Wow. Yeah diet full steam ahead. Not long after I finished the soup it showed exactly how it helps you lose weight. Apparently it's a fucking laxative. A joke that I swore I had lost ten pounds ended up being pretty close to the money in that I had lost 4 POUNDS IN 30 MINUTES. And I never want to eat again.

So that was day one. Wonder how day 2 will go?

Not really here

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Because I've been off for 6 days only to come back to work for 2 to then be back off for 4. Or you know because I'm not coherent. Here's how I felt yesterday and strangely enough again today.


more animals

We're having friends over tonight so we've been busy, busy, busy getting the house in tip top form. Or at least 75% ready. Everyone has one room that is not for public viewing, right?

Hopefully there will be good times had by all. Considering there will be liquor it shouldn't be too hard. With the last few months I've had I wonder if anyone would begrudge me if I started drinking as soon as I get home. It would probably be more considerate to wait until our guests arrive at 7:00 but I've always been one for bucking tradition.

Hope everyone has a lovely, puke free New Year's. Or you know at least that's my goal.

It's a Wonderful Life

Monday, December 22, 2008

I have a wonderful wife that knows the best way to cheer me up when I'm in a bad mood. Last Friday I was in a horrendous mood (damn you Seasonal Affective Disorder!!!!) and I was seriously hating the world. So my wonderful, beautiful wife did one of the most perfect things ever. She sent me a picture of her boobs! What can make a horrid day better? Boobies!! Yeah, I'm a twelve year old boy sometimes and I just don't want to help it.

To add to the kind, giving person she is, she decided to show me an alternative to her boobies. Just to let me know how much worse off I could have it. I could have to look at these all day.



So not only do I have a wonderful wife, I have a wonderful wife who has awesome coworkers who will expose all just to make me happy. But, I will say that the phone call Friday night to sing me a serenade on his man boobies was a bit much.

Screw this

Monday, December 08, 2008

I wonder if I could get my doctor to write me a note excusing me from work today. Given my mood today, and hell ANY Monday it would probably say:

"Please excuse Jennifer from work today. Mondays tend to make her a raging bitch."

I'm going to try to spend the day speaking to as few people as possible. It's probably in everyone's best interest.

Thanksgiving Recap

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

After the whole car debacle of last week (which included a flat tire on the Pilot) I was ready to say screw it to Thanksgiving and just barricade myself in the house. Fortunately I snapped out of it and we went to R's sister's for Thanksgiving. It was a great meal and a good time. The highlights include us trying to talk her niece into busting her ass to make valedictorian so her graduation speech could include the phrase, "titties and beer." Yeah, we're classy like that.

Friday we dropped the monster, aka Grace off at the vet to get spayed. We then drove to Memphis to have Thanksgiving with my family. Our time there pretty much meant finding ways to keep Ryley out of the pond. If you didn't have your eye on her every second you could pretty much bet she was running full out for the pond.

We drove home early Saturday so we could pick Grace up before the vet closed for the weekend. And let me just say, cats on morphine are fucking hilarious. She stayed fascinated with the ceiling the entire weekend. And ya know plastic bags.


Now if I could get some of what she's on maybe this cold wouldn't seem so bad.....

stfu

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

$800.00 for a distributor and a coil? Its times like this I wish I was more mechanically inclined. Or you know at least understood what the fuck a distributor is.

Grace said all this talk of car trouble is bringing her down.

It could have been worse....

You know it's going to be a shitty day when your car dies two blocks from work. And while your car had enough momentum left to get into a nearby parking lot it kaput in the MIDDLE of the fucking parking lot.

So there I was, all 5'0 of me pushing my fucking car into a parking space. Let me say pushing it was much easier than I thought it would be, but running to jump in the car and put on the brake was much harder. The car rolls back at you a lot fucking faster than I ever realized. I came pretty close to getting hit in the face with my open driver's side door, but luckily I was able to jump in without being clothes lined by the door.

I guess I should be thankful I was wearing my lovely Doc Martins this morning rather than the high heeled boots I originally planned to wear. Nothing seems to tempt fate more than me running in high heels. It would have been an exact replay of that time we got drunk and played Chinese fire drill at a major intersection in my hometown. I of course fell while running around the front of the car. Did I mention I was in a dress too? Luckily there were no cops around to arrest me for public indecency when I flashed all those lovely people.

So yeah I guess it could have been worse. Or so I'll keep telling myself until I hear what the estimate is.