Coming Out

Thursday, November 29, 2007

I had a relatively easy coming out. Both times. Yes, I came out, went back in and came out again. Leave it to me to do things in a completely messed up way.

I came out the first time at 17. Actually it was more my mom asking and me saying yes. Then I heard the whole spiel about it being a phase and maybe she and I should go to counseling to talk about it...blah, blah, blah.

My mother hated my then girlfriend, Psycho (for very good reason) and she basically forbid us from seeing one another. That of course lead to a bunch of teen angst which involved us sneaking around to see each other but eventually we went our separate ways on our own.

This is when I went back in the closet. I started dating guys again, trying so desperately to be "normal." I also just wanted to make my mom happy.

So I spend the next 10 months or so dating guys and trying my damnedest to be just like everyone else.

Needless to say it didn't really work out. I started dating girls again and this one girl and I had been dating for probably 6 months or so when my mom asked if she and I were like me and Psycho. I said yes and this led us into a more in depth discussion than my previous coming out.

She told me that while this wasn't the life she would have chosen for me; she loved me no matter what. It was such a profound conversation. It really gave me the approval that I was seeking in order for me to feel comfortable being who I am. I've been out since and I haven't looked back.

However, there are still members of my family with whom we do not discuss my sexuality. We have a don't ask, don't tell policy. Everyone in my family knows (and loves) Rhonda. And while I know that they know that we're together, we just don't talk about it. If they ask me I will admit it freely. But they don't. And they never will.

Some people I know feel this is a betrayal of who I am as a lesbian. I have never been one to stand on a rooftop and proclaim anything about myself. I am a private person.

And while some people may view my lack of in your face attitude as a betrayal; I say whatever works and makes you happy.


SP said...

As long as you feel comfortable in your own skin, that is all that matters.

Maria said...

I don't really care much about how out someone is and regard it as a totally personal decision anyway.

I came out at 24 at Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah. Right. You are only THAT dumb when you are 24. One of my sisters later told me that all would have been okay if I had just kept my big mouth shut. That they all knew I had a girlfriend but didn't see the need to talk about it. And then my mother disowned me. My sister said that "I left her no choice, she had to uphold her catholicism."

That comment made me sad when I first heard it and makes me even sadder now.

Jennifer said...

I can't begin to imagine how horrible that would make you feel.

I was so incredibly lucky in that my mothers (both of them) accept me and love me & R.

I still swear they would take R over me any day.