High School

Friday, November 09, 2007

I really didn't care for high school much. I wasn't into all the bullshit that everyone else seemed to be into. I didn't want to be Miss Popularity. I didn't like guys. I didn't play sports or participate in any extracurricular activities other than choir. I had acquaintances in just about every group with the exception of that one group who were so "cool" that they could only be friends with people in their own little group, and who for shits and giggles randomly made people feel like shit.

I didn't really hang out with anyone from school. I preferred people who lived in the less than middle-class parts of Memphis. I liked sitting at the coffee shop or playing pool at the pool hall with people 3, 4, hell even 10+ years older.

I didn't care about football games or anything remotely school related. I went to the Homecoming game only to sing the National Anthem and then run like hell for the parking lot as soon as my part was done.

I went to my junior and senior proms only because I was harassed into going. I only enjoyed my junior prom because I was less than sober. I wasn't as fortunate for my senior prom so I stayed long enough to take pictures for proof of attendance.

I know my high school days could have been a hell of a lot worse. I was outed my senior year by my "best friend." I was harassed a bit but only by a small group of people. It was devastating enough that I switched schools in November. I ended up coming back 3 months later and honestly for the most part people acted like nothing had ever happened. I was still harassed a bit, but it wasn't anything I couldn't ignore.

I didn't keep in touch with anyone from high school. Which is sad because I had known most of those people since 2nd grade. It's only recently through a forgotten myspace account that I've been in touch with anyone I knew back then.

Suddenly I'm getting e-mails about our 10 year reunion next year.

Part of me is kinda excited about seeing some of those people again.

The other part of me wants to puke at the thought of being around those people.

Hell, just yesterday I got another e-mail about the reunion. This one in the form of a questionnaire. It asks if you are planning to attend. It asks if the charge for attending will play a factor in whether or not you attend. It asks you to check which activities you are interested in.

They are planning for next Fall:

  • A Friday night Homecoming get-together in conjunction with a tailgate party
  • A Saturday afternoon barbecue
  • A Saturday evening cocktail reception
I want to send a questionnaire back in the same mass e-mail:
  • Are the girls still going to act like shallow bitches?
  • Are the guys still going to do nothing but drink and brag about sex?
  • Are the "cool" ones still going to ignore everyone not in their incestuous little group?
  • Are you going to freak the fuck out when I show up with my wife?
I know I'll probably end up going to all 3 events. I know I'll probably reconnect with one or two really great people. I also know I'll end up feeling shut out by that certain group just like I did in high school.

So why am I even contemplating it? Why not just send back their little questionnaire with a big FUCK OFF written across it? (This is especially tempting as the organizers of the reunion are the people in that particular group)

I guess part of me wonders what I missed by not giving a shit about football games, dances and the usual high school rites of passage.


Thursday, November 08, 2007

People wonder why I am insane. She makes me that way!

Rhonda (3:33 PM): I make it a practice not to eat things I don't recognize. " Herbes de Provence"
Rhonda (3:34 PM): wasn't he the love bug?
Jennifer (3:34 PM): No
Rhonda (3:34 PM): you sure??
Jennifer (3:34 PM): Yes
Rhonda (3:34 PM): the midget off Fantasy Island then.
Jennifer (3:34 PM): No
Rhonda (3:38 PM): you sure about the midget?
Rhonda (3:38 PM): sorry... short person.
Jennifer (3:41 PM): Yes
Rhonda (3:42 PM): So tortillas, chips, refried beans and cupcakes.
Rhonda (3:42 PM): got it.
Jennifer (3:43 PM): LOL
Jennifer (3:43 PM): and you were going to look for pico which they won't have
Rhonda (3:45 PM): pico. Tortillas, chips, refried beans, cupcakes, pico and cake. Got it.
Jennifer (3:45 PM): Yes
Rhonda (3:45 PM): cool! anything else?
Jennifer (3:46 PM): Millions of dollars
Rhonda (3:46 PM): neat! where do I get that
Jennifer (3:47 PM): I dunno
Jennifer (3:47 PM): The money fairy?
Rhonda (3:47 PM): ah. I'll leave a note under my pillow tonight
Rhonda (3:47 PM): or is it a tooth?
Rhonda (3:47 PM): the dog?
Jennifer (3:48 PM): You're going to leave a tooth under the dog??
Rhonda (3:49 PM): sure! You put a tooth under the dog and the money fairy comes and leaves you a gazillion dollars. It's true. I knew a guy that did it.
Rhonda (3:49 PM): well it was a friend of his cousin actually
Jennifer (3:50 PM): Have you been reading chain e-mails again?
Rhonda (3:51 PM): NO! They aren't chain emails. They just need to send me a check to get it out of Africa. Duh!
Jennifer (3:51 PM): I thought it was Portugal
Rhonda (3:51 PM): as a token of good faith I'm mailing them Leroy.


Monday, November 05, 2007

So Rhonda got her revenge for the clown incident. I knew the retaliation would be bad. I just never realized she would be so cruel.

When I went to get on my laptop Friday afternoon I CTRL+D to get to my desktop only to find this picture set as my desktop. I screamed so loud I made the china in the hutch rattle.

Grasshoppers will cause me to lose my shit faster than just about any other living creature. They are spawns of the devil. They have been conspiring to kill me for 9 years.

I realized it when I moved to a town in Northeastern Arkansas 9 years ago that was overrun with the little bastards. I would be sitting at a table next to a window and within 20 minutes you couldn't see out the window for all the grasshoppers covering it.

Once they showed me their massiveness they began moving in for the kill.

They would trap me on the balcony of my apartment building. They would accomplish this by jumping on me and then once I screamed and brushed them off they would get between me and the door to my apartment. Every time I would try to get around them they would jump at me. I was always barefoot when this happened and it would eventually come down to me picking up a chair and holding it between me and the grasshopper as I made my way to the door. I only had to throw the chair once before they knew I meant business.

I'm sure my neighbors thought I was the picture of mental health.

Once they realized the balcony ambushing would not lead to me plummeting to my death they moved on to more deadly attempts. They began infiltrating my car, waiting until I was going maximum speed and then pouncing either on me or on the steering wheel, which I immediately let go of.

I abandoned my car twice because of those evil little bastards. Once in the turning lane of the busiest street in town.

They even came after me in the shower once. I guess they were hoping I would slip and fall. They weren't so lucky. I did run screaming and refused to go back in until Rhonda arrived. The only harm done was to my hair from the shampoo as I waited for Rhonda to make the 2.5 hour drive from her place to mine.

Once I moved away they slowed the onslaught. I guess they can't survive as well here because I don't live near the rice fields anymore. However, they are still out there waiting for me. Occasionally they will send one of their assassins.

It is a sad, sad day for the good side as I lost my most trusted protector.

They may have won the battle, but the war is far from over.