The Wedding

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

So my 21 year old half-brother is getting married December 22nd. I think it's kind of a last minute thing as he left for basic training in August and I just got word of the upcoming nuptials in November.

Sadly, I will be unable to attend for numerous reasons. The main one being I don't want to run into my father for the first time in 21 years at my brother's wedding.

I tried to rationalize that he would not even recognize me but R pointed out that at some point it is very likely he will overhear someone introduce me as C's sister. If I could guarantee that he would not approach me I would go. However, there are no guarantees and I'm not a saint by any means. It would be hard enough being in the same room with the man but if he approached me I don't think I could hold my shit together and I really don't want to ruin my brother's wedding.

I know I should suck it up and deal with it for my brother but I honestly don't think I can. I do have to be in Memphis the morning after his wedding which is like 500 miles away. While I could fly to his wedding and then to Memphis that would leave R making a 3 hour drive to Memphis alone with the dog. Not to mention it would probably cost me around $1,000 for the flight, hotel room and rental car. All of which are valid excuses.

So why do I still feel like hell for not going?


Lachlan said...

Because (I presume) you care about your brother and you want to partake in his happiness. But being around your dad would be a compromise that is too much for you to make?

I don't know the details behind it all, of course, but if you cannot do it, you cannot do it. Do not feel guilty about putting yourself first if your reasons are truly valid.

Jennifer said...

There is so much history here I could write pages on it. But, a lot of it boils down to the fact that he is still a raging alcoholic who is now prone to fits of dementia. While I could stay away from him if I saw him, I know drunks and I know he wouldn't stay away from me.

I'm a very easygoing person and I can back down from confrontation when it's happening in the wrong place or at the wrong time, but the situation with my father is such a painful one that I think coming face to face with him would be the time that I wouldn't be able to back down. I don't want to ruin C's wedding so I do think it's for the best.

thewishfulwriter said...

wow.....i feel for you. this is a tough situation. does your brother understand why this is difficult for you? If he does, I'm certain he knows you'd like to be there, but respects why you can't.

You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. If it's going to be more than you can handle, I don't think you should try to force yourself to go. I would, however, have that talk with your brother and ask if there's another time that you can set aside to celebrate his big day in some special way.

hang in there, Jennifer.