Day 4

Thursday, January 08, 2009

We're half way through! Thank you sweet baby Jesus.

Breakfast:

Orange Juice
Cup of Bran (nasty as hell even with Splenda) with skim milk

Lunch:

Steamed garlic seasoned cauliflower (tasted like ass)

Snacks:

Bananas (the diet called for at least 3 bananas today)

Dinner:

Soup (it's beginning to have no flavor at all for me or maybe my taste buds are dead)

Surprisingly I haven't really been hungry the last two days. My stomach growled on the way home from work but it was barely noticeable. As much as I hate this soup I am very impressed with the overall hunger control. It feels like this diet has kind of reset my system

Total weight lost end of Day 4: 10 lbs

Day 3

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Today's post is brought to you by the letter R as in R wrote this post as I have no time because I am so swamped at work I don't even have time to pee.

On with the show:

Sweet Jesus, when will this end? Day 3 of the diet you get to eat soup (kill me now), fruit and veggies. Wee! All the veggies you want for breakfast. Because nothing says, “Good morning, world!” like a big plate of steamed broccoli for breakfast. Also, nothing says, “I’ll be in here for another 10 minutes or so,” like a big plate of steamed broccoli for breakfast.

I skipped breakfast and had a nice glass of grape juice instead. Jen took a big bag of broccoli to steam for lunch and I *sob* took a bowl of soup. I didn’t have a choice really. You’ve smelled broccoli cooking? Yeah, I couldn’t do that to the office. And really the soup isn’t bad. I mean it would be better if it were Rally’s cheeseburgers and fries but that’s what got my ass into this position. Damn you Rally’s. Damn you and your beautiful fries!

She’s mentioned the odd cleansing properties of the soup? Yeah, my office loves me. Yet somehow in my burger deprived mind that seemed a better choice than the steamy sulfur smell of broccoli. I was okay most of the day till one girl came around with the freaking canister of M&M’s asking me if I wanted some. In a soup fueled frenzy it was all I could do not to beat her over the head with a stapler and steal them, running off into the field behind the office cackling madly. But I was strong and said no. I even waited till she left my office before I started crying.

Supper was a nice big bowl of soup. Oh joy! Oh bliss! Oh hell. ‘Eat soup’ is now a perfectly acceptable insult in our house. Example: “Snakes on a Plane is stupid. I can’t believe you like this.” “Eat soup.”

Jennifer again. As you can see this diet is making us slightly delusional. My total weight lost end of day 3 is 5.5lbs. Yeah up 1.5 lbs.

This is exactly what happened to our friend that turned us on to the diet. She gained weight on the 3rd day. She quit. A true friend would have warned us when it happened but nooooo. Doesn't matter now though; we're toughing this out until the end. 4 more days to go. *sob*

Day 2

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

It's lunch Day 2 and I have figured out this whole diet thing. It makes you hate food. Today all we can eat is the soup and just about any veggie we can think of. For dinner we can have a baked potato. But no fruit all day long.

This morning I swore I would vomit if I ate that soup for breakfast so I drank orange juice, coffee and green tea. Not mixed because you know that would be weird and while I do eat some weird combinations (black eyes peas & mayo), I'm not that disturbing.

I am now trying to eat soup for my lunch and I will say this- if after these 7 days if I never even SEE another bowl of soup again I will be very happy.

I will try to post again at the end of the day to say how the night went but I'm pretty sure I won't be eating soup for dinner. Currently I've been eating lunch now for 30 minutes and I've only managed to ingest about 1/4 of it.

And just as an aside, I don't generally try fad diets, I just wanted to use this one to kind of jump start our healthy eating as it was reported to be a great cleansing way to begin a healthier approach to eating. But, at this point I fucking hate food. So maybe that's the secret? Only time will tell if the laxative effect lasts into day 2. My ass hopes not.

Update 2:59 p.m.

The laxative effect also happens on day 2. Pretty much anytime you eat the soup it has a laxative effect. Dear God. R & I have pretty much agreed that we will not be eating the soup at work again.

Update 8:50 p.m.

Dinner was a baked potato and edamame. I also had some mushrooms which sounded really good in theory but really were a miss.

I am a little pissed at the animals. Ryley hates beans. Won't eat any form of them. I offered her the edamame being funny thinking she would turn her nose up at it as usual but noooooo. The fucking dog loves edamame. Taylor and Grace also love edamame. Grace kept swooping in on R and grabbing whole soybean pods. That part was a bit funny but no so much when it happened to me.

While eating dinner we started watching Snakes on a Plane. R loves hokey movies and I generally put up with them. We only watched part of the movie and I'm sure we'll finish it eventually; but I have to say I cannot believe Hollywood made this movie. I'm convinced whoever came up with the premise for this movie MUST have been high at the time. It's the only thing that makes sense.

And just to complete my rambling circle total weight loss at the end of day 2 is 7 pounds.

Day 1

Monday, January 05, 2009

So R & I started this 7 day diet/cleanse. I'm going to try to detail our progress here so maybe if I have to hold myself accountable to those pesky interwebs I will actually keep up with it and possibly post every single day. Ha. Right.

So day 1 was all the fruit and soup (their recipe) we can eat.

Breakfast was a glass of orange juice and an apple. I was starving by lunch but I didn't have time to eat anything so I drank mass quantities of apple juice.

Lunch was soup and a gazillion strawberries. I was so full at the end of lunch I thought I would pop.

By the time dinner rolled around I was starving again. Dinner was soup again. After two bowls of soup I hadn't weighed so I weighed just to get a number. Wow. Yeah diet full steam ahead. Not long after I finished the soup it showed exactly how it helps you lose weight. Apparently it's a fucking laxative. A joke that I swore I had lost ten pounds ended up being pretty close to the money in that I had lost 4 POUNDS IN 30 MINUTES. And I never want to eat again.

So that was day one. Wonder how day 2 will go?

Not really here

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Because I've been off for 6 days only to come back to work for 2 to then be back off for 4. Or you know because I'm not coherent. Here's how I felt yesterday and strangely enough again today.


more animals

We're having friends over tonight so we've been busy, busy, busy getting the house in tip top form. Or at least 75% ready. Everyone has one room that is not for public viewing, right?

Hopefully there will be good times had by all. Considering there will be liquor it shouldn't be too hard. With the last few months I've had I wonder if anyone would begrudge me if I started drinking as soon as I get home. It would probably be more considerate to wait until our guests arrive at 7:00 but I've always been one for bucking tradition.

Hope everyone has a lovely, puke free New Year's. Or you know at least that's my goal.

It's a Wonderful Life

Monday, December 22, 2008

I have a wonderful wife that knows the best way to cheer me up when I'm in a bad mood. Last Friday I was in a horrendous mood (damn you Seasonal Affective Disorder!!!!) and I was seriously hating the world. So my wonderful, beautiful wife did one of the most perfect things ever. She sent me a picture of her boobs! What can make a horrid day better? Boobies!! Yeah, I'm a twelve year old boy sometimes and I just don't want to help it.

To add to the kind, giving person she is, she decided to show me an alternative to her boobies. Just to let me know how much worse off I could have it. I could have to look at these all day.



So not only do I have a wonderful wife, I have a wonderful wife who has awesome coworkers who will expose all just to make me happy. But, I will say that the phone call Friday night to sing me a serenade on his man boobies was a bit much.

Screw this

Monday, December 08, 2008

I wonder if I could get my doctor to write me a note excusing me from work today. Given my mood today, and hell ANY Monday it would probably say:

"Please excuse Jennifer from work today. Mondays tend to make her a raging bitch."

I'm going to try to spend the day speaking to as few people as possible. It's probably in everyone's best interest.